Safewords, Facebook & my phone call to the big guy himself.

Hello you awesome people!

I’m having such a great month! My editor has my draft of Basic Instinct (Shifters of Darkness Falls Book 1) in her hot little hands!

AND

Safeword (After Dark Series collaboration with Nikita Slater) is available and sitting on the virtual bookshelf! All of you who have pre-ordered should now have the book in your hot little virtual hands!

I love the concept of Safewords. Everyone should have them. In fact, I think that when you reach the age of consent, you should be required to have two safewords – one for red and one for yellow. They would be officially documented on your driver’s licence. You could use them on everything. Government tax forms, meals in restaurants, BDSM sex clubs. And you could have them on vanity plates.

Jasmin’s Safeword

Mine would be ‘Yes Please’ for yellow and ‘Please, Please’ for red (I’m a very polite girl).

Except FB probably wouldn’t approve my choices. And as we all know, Facebook runs the world.

I’m unable to talk about my secret stalkee today because I have bigger fish to fry (and no, that’s not a clue to his identity… I don’t think). RR is on the back burner too, because I’m tussling with Facebook again and they’re hard to reach.

My Phone Call with Mr. Facebook

I did manage to get through to Mr. Facebook himself after several hours of waiting. I told him (yeah, a man, maybe a priest), that I would be recording the conversation so I’d have a transcript for my blog.

Mr. FB sent me a list of requirements I needed to comply with before I would be allowed to post his side of the phone call. I wasn’t able to comply (not a virgin, drinks alcohol, owns black panties, married and faithful but sexually active, waxes down there, owns sex toys). It went on and on. I did meet some of the requirements (drank milk, ate pasta, etc.).

Mr. FB

I also had to sign 16 different documents and swear on a bible that I would not misrepresent Mr. FB in any way. In the end I decided it was best to use only my side of the conversation rather than record it word for word and accidentally repeat something provocative.

The Phone Call

Me (nervous as the big guy takes the call): Hello Mr. Facebook, it’s me, Jasmin Quinn.

FB: …

JQ: Quinn… Jasmin Quinn, Canadian romance author.

FB: …

JQ: Uhm… self-published.

FB: …

JQ: You haven’t? We talked once, don’t you remember?

FB…

JQ: Right, of course. You’re busy in your quest for world domination.

FB: …

JQ (a little defensive): Yes, some people have heard of me.

FB: …

JQ: No… not Nora Roberts, but Nikita Slater, D.D. Prince, N. Heinz…

FB: …

JQ: Nikita… oh never mind. I’m calling because one of my ads got rejected again.

FB: …

JQ: Well, the email said the photo was sexually explicit.

FB: …

JQ: Maybe you could pull up my file and see.

FB: …

JQ: Oh, technical issues? Yes, I’ll hold.

8 hours later and 20 different renditions of Gwen Stefani’s Hollaback Girl by people auditioning for The Voice.

FB: …

JQ: Oh, hi… no… I’m still here.

FB: …

JQ: Yeah. That’s him. Guy, standing up, looking cute.

First attempt at FB Ad

FB: …

JQ: Not cute?

FB: …

JQ: Oh… smouldering.

FB: …

JQ: He IS wearing a shirt!

FB: …

JQ: Oh, short sleeves. Well, yes, they are short.

FB: …

JQ: What? Those bulges on his arms? Muscles. I think the technical terms are bi-ceps and tri-ceps.

FB: …

JQ: I see. I can’t post a man with muscles.

FB: …

JQ: I see. I can’t post a man with bare arms.

FB: …

JQ: Okay. Yeah. Well, I changed the ad and resubmitted it.

FB: …

JQ: A pretty, blonde girl with a cowboy hat wearing a fringed jacket. Fully dressed.

Second attempt at FB ad

FB: …

JQ: Yeah, got rejected. The email said the ad can’t promote sexual or adult content, projects or services.

FB: …

JQ: Showing flesh? Her wrist and part of her arm, and her face.

FB: …

JQ: Yes. I pressed on the Advertising Policies.

FB: …

JQ: Yeah – Policy # 9: Ads must not contain adult content. This includes nudity, depictions of people or suggestive positions, or activities that are overly suggestive or sexually provocative.

FB: …

JQ: Yeah, I saw the pictures

FB: …

JQ: Yeah, the lady eating the banana

Not actual FB picture

FB: …

JQ (chuckling): Dole tried to get that one past you, did they?

FB: …

JQ: Yeah. The naked statue is compliant.

FB: …

JQ: I see that. Naked. Everything hanging out. Hard to see Mr. Penis without the erection.

Not actual FB photo but actual statue

FB: …

JQ: Oh, it is erect? Haha… I get it… cause it’s a statue, standing up…

FB: …

JQ: Yes. You have a great sense of humour.

FB: …

JQ: Ignore them. Those people are wrong.

FB: …

JQ: No. I didn’t appeal it.

FB: …

JQ: Because I couldn’t find the appeal link.

FB: …

JQ: Uh… an hour.

FB: …

JQ: Oh… okay. 3 hours max before I call? Got it. I’ll make sure I do that next time.

FB: …

JQ: Uh… well… I was thinking of posting another picture and I wanted to know if it was compliant.

FB: …

JQ: A nun. Full habit.

FB: …

JQ: Not compliant?

FB: …

JQ: Oh… naked underneath… yeah. No, I understand. It’s just I have men in my approved ads.

FB: …

JQ: No, they’re all suited up.

FB: …

JQ: No, but… I think they’re also probably naked under their clothes.

FB: …

JQ: Ohhhhh, I see. They’re not women.

FB: …

JQ: Yeah. Now it makes sense. All the photo examples under rule #9 of prohibited content are of women.

FB: …

JQ: Yeah, all white women. Aren’t you afraid you’ll get slammed for underrepresentation?

FB: …

JQ: Yeah, I know. I once put a black woman in a tub for a teaser.

FB: …

JQ: Yes. Naked, but under a lot of bubbles.

FB: …

JQ: No, no. She wasn’t black in the book.

FB: …

JQ: That’s misrepresentation? I didn’t know. Well, she could have been black, I guess…

FB: …

JQ: Oh, you read it? No, you’re right. I mentioned in the book that she was pale. Probably said something like, “She paled.”

FB: …

JQ: Yeah, I have a First Nations friend who thinks that’s funny.

FB: …

JQ: When I say a white girl is pale.

FB: …

JQ: No, no. Don’t hang up! I really have a First Nations friend.

FB: …

JQ: Okay, I’ll send you her name and phone number. You can check. I’m sorry.

FB: …

JQ: But my man…

FB: …

JQ: Oh, bare arms, muscles.  Okay.

FB: …

JQ: Well, I was hoping you could give me some advice on what will work?

FB: …

Wonder if this will work?

JQ: A cat? Okay. I’ll see if I can find a picture.

FB: …

JQ: Yeah. Well, I should go. Thanks Mr. FB, you’ve been a lot of help today.

FB: …

End of phone call.

Mr. Facebook was such a nice guy to take the time to speak with me.


I’m having so much fun today! And that’s without the wine. Happiness to you all.

Love Jasmin

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